Re-finding & Re-connecting - Of Nostalgia, A Quest and More...
The last couple of months have been nostalgic in many ways. We were forced to go back to a time when time would stand still and we would watch paint dry. Just like that. A time when summer vacation days meant finding ways to kill time from morning to evening. 2020 - Lockdown with the gift of technology as a saving grace. Among many other things, I decided to take up an unfinished task that had been pending for years or rather decades.
I started my Carnatic Music lessons in a structured way when I was 10 in 1995. My first guru is Gnanam mami who used to live in Viswanathapuram Madurai. She is a gem of a teacher and a perfectionist in every sense of the word. My memories of paatu class in those years are very pleasant. My voice was supple (it hadn't broken then) and I consider those 5 to 6 years of learning music from mami my best learning years. I loved to learn from mami. I used to have classes every weekend - Saturday and Sunday. Initially, I used to take the public bus for traveling to mami's home but later I cycled the way back and forth. Mami's lessons were very structured, her Tamil handwriting glorious and her voice - sharp and clear - like a sharpened sword swishing through the air. I started participating in competitions once I started learning from mami and won quite a few prizes. I soon turned out to be one of Mami's favorite disciples and she took a lot of painstaking effort to teach me the most rarely heard uruppadis (kritis). I used to sing at A with ease. (6 kattai)
1999- 2000. I was in Class X. My voice broke & I was going through a lot of pain. With more academic stress - my vocal practice had declined significantly and even when I tried to sing, I was hardly able to sing a full octave without strain. Till I turned 16 (& even after that for a few years) - my voice box was highly unstable. But a lot had changed by this time. I had unceremoniously moved on from Gnanam mami's classes to start learning from a super-senior octogenarian musician (a male). While he was a very experienced teacher, my 2 or 2.5 years under his guidance were turbulent, to put it mildly. Moving out from Madurai for engineering in a few years only worsened things with my little connection to music being severed almost completely - something that I regret even today.
It has been 2 decades. Different cities, then states and then countries. Mami must be in her 80s now. Reconnecting with mami had been pending for long. Once in a while, I had tried asking around on Facebook with some other students about mami but in vain. I had terrible guilt pangs on having lost all contacts with mami and I just had myself to blame for this - no excuses. Mami had even attended my upanayanam in Chennai and in those 6 years, had become almost a family member. And here I was - no contact for 20 years now.
No one had much a of a clue. A few weeks back, I decided to get my hands dirty and crack it. I still had some school friends who continued to live in Madurai and I was confident that social media will come to my rescue. So here's the story.
I searched for mami a lot on Facebook to no avail. It was easy to figure she did not have an FB profile for herself. I knew of a daughter & a son. I remember her daughter's name & facial features vividly & scoured FB for a suitable profile - but that wasn't fruitful too. While re-connecting with another old student of mami's, we ended up chatting about the neighborhood where mami lived and generally the scene of mami's vocal lessons. We knew mami's son's name but just the first name. Looking him up on FB /LinkedIn was of no use as the first name was such a common name (like Ganesh or Karthik) We were still missing the breakthrough that could lead us to mami.
I had to think of alternate routes. I called up one of the major sabhas /music college in Madurai that organizes annual music competitions and concerts. Mami was a regular among the audience here. I spoke to the current Principal on phone (she used to be a lecturer in the same college those days) & asked her about mami's whereabouts. While she could recognize mami from the first name, she didn't know where she is currently. However, she did confirm to me that she had seen mami at this year's thyagaraja utsavam in Jan 2020 - I heaved a sigh of relief. Mami is still around & in Madurai. She assured me that she will ask around & update me if she knew anything.
Brainwave struck in a mid-afternoon nap. (the universe does conspire to make some things happen for you - just some things I guess!) - I recalled in my sleep that mami was not a native Tamilian. Hers was a Marati family that had moved to Madurai several years back & settled down there. And it struck again - they were 'Rao's. 'Rao' is that elusive second name that I was looking for. I immediately looked up for mami's son on FB again with this additional filter (imagine looking for someone like Ganesh Rao in Madurai on FB versus just Ganesh in Madurai). I was quickly able to identify the right one from the profiles that FB promptly threw up. I validated the same with my fellow-disciple who reiterated that this is in fact the right profile.
The next challenge was just around the corner. This profile had just 4 friends on FB & to make things worse, it was clear that he had been almost inactive on the platform for over 6 years. I decided to be shameless. I stalked the profiles of his 4 friends and discovered that among those, one is a geriatric doctor in Madurai (specializing in the treatment of aged people). I messaged him on FB messenger with no response over 36 hours. I decided to become further shameless. Googling the doctor, I found that he had a website on his clinic and this was located very close to the neighborhood where mami used to live. There was a magic mobile number on the website too though it had not been updated in the past 6 years. I whatsapped that number - giving my details, the background and who I was looking for. I somehow had an intuition that this doctor could have treated mami in some way in the past years.
He turned out to be the key to my re-discovery & a godsend. He replied to my messages and on a Sunday morning (the same morning that I had messaged him) - he spilled the beans to me on mami's latest health status and where she is likely to be now. Mami had gone through a lot and he had in fact treated her on several occasions. He had lost touch with her again for over 3 years now & he expected her to be living in Bangalore now with her daughter. He promised to look up for the daughter's phone number & send across to me if only he managed to find it. I believe in God and that morning, he was on my side. In a few minutes, my phone chimed and there it was - the 10 digits of the daughter's phone number. I called the number immediately and it was an emotional overhaul for the next few minutes as I recognized her and she, me. She had been transferred again from Bangalore to Delhi and the number still worked since it was an official mobile connection. I told her about my quest to reconnect with mami and she confirmed to me that mami was in fact back in Madurai now and in the same neighborhood - but in a different street and apartment. She passed on a current mobile number that I could talk to mami on.
So that Sunday morning, a few weeks back - I spoke to mami. It was a video call. I could see her, she could recognize me. I have a snapshot of that video call. I sent her one of my latest audio snippets & she listened to it.
This experience has been humbling. Stay in touch, reconnect, re-discover your roots. Sometimes, clinging to them can be such a soothing experience, if not anything else.
I started my Carnatic Music lessons in a structured way when I was 10 in 1995. My first guru is Gnanam mami who used to live in Viswanathapuram Madurai. She is a gem of a teacher and a perfectionist in every sense of the word. My memories of paatu class in those years are very pleasant. My voice was supple (it hadn't broken then) and I consider those 5 to 6 years of learning music from mami my best learning years. I loved to learn from mami. I used to have classes every weekend - Saturday and Sunday. Initially, I used to take the public bus for traveling to mami's home but later I cycled the way back and forth. Mami's lessons were very structured, her Tamil handwriting glorious and her voice - sharp and clear - like a sharpened sword swishing through the air. I started participating in competitions once I started learning from mami and won quite a few prizes. I soon turned out to be one of Mami's favorite disciples and she took a lot of painstaking effort to teach me the most rarely heard uruppadis (kritis). I used to sing at A with ease. (6 kattai)
1999- 2000. I was in Class X. My voice broke & I was going through a lot of pain. With more academic stress - my vocal practice had declined significantly and even when I tried to sing, I was hardly able to sing a full octave without strain. Till I turned 16 (& even after that for a few years) - my voice box was highly unstable. But a lot had changed by this time. I had unceremoniously moved on from Gnanam mami's classes to start learning from a super-senior octogenarian musician (a male). While he was a very experienced teacher, my 2 or 2.5 years under his guidance were turbulent, to put it mildly. Moving out from Madurai for engineering in a few years only worsened things with my little connection to music being severed almost completely - something that I regret even today.
It has been 2 decades. Different cities, then states and then countries. Mami must be in her 80s now. Reconnecting with mami had been pending for long. Once in a while, I had tried asking around on Facebook with some other students about mami but in vain. I had terrible guilt pangs on having lost all contacts with mami and I just had myself to blame for this - no excuses. Mami had even attended my upanayanam in Chennai and in those 6 years, had become almost a family member. And here I was - no contact for 20 years now.
No one had much a of a clue. A few weeks back, I decided to get my hands dirty and crack it. I still had some school friends who continued to live in Madurai and I was confident that social media will come to my rescue. So here's the story.
I searched for mami a lot on Facebook to no avail. It was easy to figure she did not have an FB profile for herself. I knew of a daughter & a son. I remember her daughter's name & facial features vividly & scoured FB for a suitable profile - but that wasn't fruitful too. While re-connecting with another old student of mami's, we ended up chatting about the neighborhood where mami lived and generally the scene of mami's vocal lessons. We knew mami's son's name but just the first name. Looking him up on FB /LinkedIn was of no use as the first name was such a common name (like Ganesh or Karthik) We were still missing the breakthrough that could lead us to mami.
I had to think of alternate routes. I called up one of the major sabhas /music college in Madurai that organizes annual music competitions and concerts. Mami was a regular among the audience here. I spoke to the current Principal on phone (she used to be a lecturer in the same college those days) & asked her about mami's whereabouts. While she could recognize mami from the first name, she didn't know where she is currently. However, she did confirm to me that she had seen mami at this year's thyagaraja utsavam in Jan 2020 - I heaved a sigh of relief. Mami is still around & in Madurai. She assured me that she will ask around & update me if she knew anything.
Brainwave struck in a mid-afternoon nap. (the universe does conspire to make some things happen for you - just some things I guess!) - I recalled in my sleep that mami was not a native Tamilian. Hers was a Marati family that had moved to Madurai several years back & settled down there. And it struck again - they were 'Rao's. 'Rao' is that elusive second name that I was looking for. I immediately looked up for mami's son on FB again with this additional filter (imagine looking for someone like Ganesh Rao in Madurai on FB versus just Ganesh in Madurai). I was quickly able to identify the right one from the profiles that FB promptly threw up. I validated the same with my fellow-disciple who reiterated that this is in fact the right profile.
The next challenge was just around the corner. This profile had just 4 friends on FB & to make things worse, it was clear that he had been almost inactive on the platform for over 6 years. I decided to be shameless. I stalked the profiles of his 4 friends and discovered that among those, one is a geriatric doctor in Madurai (specializing in the treatment of aged people). I messaged him on FB messenger with no response over 36 hours. I decided to become further shameless. Googling the doctor, I found that he had a website on his clinic and this was located very close to the neighborhood where mami used to live. There was a magic mobile number on the website too though it had not been updated in the past 6 years. I whatsapped that number - giving my details, the background and who I was looking for. I somehow had an intuition that this doctor could have treated mami in some way in the past years.
He turned out to be the key to my re-discovery & a godsend. He replied to my messages and on a Sunday morning (the same morning that I had messaged him) - he spilled the beans to me on mami's latest health status and where she is likely to be now. Mami had gone through a lot and he had in fact treated her on several occasions. He had lost touch with her again for over 3 years now & he expected her to be living in Bangalore now with her daughter. He promised to look up for the daughter's phone number & send across to me if only he managed to find it. I believe in God and that morning, he was on my side. In a few minutes, my phone chimed and there it was - the 10 digits of the daughter's phone number. I called the number immediately and it was an emotional overhaul for the next few minutes as I recognized her and she, me. She had been transferred again from Bangalore to Delhi and the number still worked since it was an official mobile connection. I told her about my quest to reconnect with mami and she confirmed to me that mami was in fact back in Madurai now and in the same neighborhood - but in a different street and apartment. She passed on a current mobile number that I could talk to mami on.
So that Sunday morning, a few weeks back - I spoke to mami. It was a video call. I could see her, she could recognize me. I have a snapshot of that video call. I sent her one of my latest audio snippets & she listened to it.
This experience has been humbling. Stay in touch, reconnect, re-discover your roots. Sometimes, clinging to them can be such a soothing experience, if not anything else.
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